i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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