I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Your penis caused this!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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