I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
