my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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