I'm jealous of your bromance
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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