Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
