i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
