theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
