If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
