Jerry, you need to find god
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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