I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will pee on everything he values.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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