You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
