Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
