I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
