This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Houston, we have a blender
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize