if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
