your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
