My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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