Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
