I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
