that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's blow job season.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
