I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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