...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
