yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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