HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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