better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
