Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
