he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
