No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
