she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
