so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
