Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
