We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
