So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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