can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
