So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
