using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
