I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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