We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
