Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
