I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
