I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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