saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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