i need an iv and a liver transplant
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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