You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
