I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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