walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am naked and annoyed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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