"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
