Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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