I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
